Imagine this (or maybe you’ve been there):
You’ve just spent months, or possibly years, travelling or living abroad. Maybe you were backpacking around Asia, travelling around the world for a year, doing some volunteer work in Africa or living as an expat in a tropical country. You’ve been living from day to day, going where the mood takes you and never planning more than a few days or a few weeks ahead. If you were working and had one of those great expat contracts, you probably had a bit of a plan: you knew that you’d be working in a specific country for the next six months or the next two years. But there may have been times you were not really planning life that far ahead: sometimes you were just living in the moment. Well, at least I was.
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Then you return home, and suddenly you get this feeling you need to have a Plan. Everyone else around you sure has one: while you’ve been wandering around Asia like an irresponsible tramp (wait: I thought I was exploring different cultures, learning about life on the other side of the world, meeting new people, picking up a few new skills, growing and developing as a human being etc.), other people have got mortgages, bought houses, had kids, bought cars, bought more cars, bought a bigger house, bought lots of other stuff – and they are really not so interested in all your amazing experiences in India.
They want to know what you’re going to do now that you’ve wasted half of your life in random tropical countries while good, honest, hardworking people have, well, worked hard, saved lots of money and bought lots of stuff. And all you have to show for your years abroad is what you have in your backpack (and a bunch of boxes in storage around the world in friends’ basements and your parents’ garden shed).
So what is your plan? they ask.
Turns out I don’t have one.
At least not the kind of plan people expect you to have when you’re in your late 30’s. I was just hoping to have a simple life: to combine the best that travelling gave me with being in a place I can call home. I don’t need much in terms of possessions: I don’t need a TV, I’m obsessed with books but thank God for libraries, and I don’t really give a shlt about fashion, makeup or shoes. I would love to do the things I love to do (writing, yoga) which are also the things I’ve spent much of my life studying, and of course there are still places I’d like to travel to. Lots of them. So I don’t really have it all figured out, and I’m open to whatever life throws at me.
But people don’t like to hear that.
Surprisingly many people don’t like it if you do something different with your life than the “get a real job-get a mortgage-buy a house-have kids-buy a bigger house-send kids off to school-send kids off to university-save for pension-work your butt off and get just 4 weeks holiday every year-retire-wonder where your life went and what you did with it-die” thing. (It’s ok to travel a bit when you’re young so you get that stuff out of your system, but then people need to grow up.) So they tell you (and many times they mean well, and they’re sincerely worried about you) that you need a Plan, because you need start to worry about the future. You need to start thinking about your pension! What do you mean you don’t have a pension plan? You need to make a plan for the rest of your life right now, because if you don’t have one, well how do you know where you’re going to be in ten years’ time or twenty years’ time? What do you mean you don’t even know where you’re going to be next year? You need to start to worry about this stuff!
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Thing is, I don’t really have my whole life figured out, and I don’t think I even want to have it all figured out. And while it might be a good idea to do some planning, I don’t want to worry about this stuff so much that I forget to live. But the main problem I have with plans is that every time I’ve had a plan, it’s gone completely tits-up and I’ve ended up doing something totally different. And the best things that have ever happened to me have been completely unplanned, and have generally resulted from a previous plan going tits-up.
In May 1996, I went to London for a three-month work experience stint. After the work experience ended, I was offered some paid work… and then it was 2005 and I had been living in London for nearly ten years – and that was the best time in my life. In September 2005 I went to Mysore, India, to study ashtanga yoga. I was going to stay 2 months. By November I had ended up running a café for yoga students in Mysore together with two women I had never met before. What followed were the most challenging but most amazing three and a half years, during which I travelled to beautiful places around Asia, became an authorized ashtanga yoga teacher, learned to drive a motorbike (badly) and met the love of my life.
My previous experience with plans makes me think that if I do make a plan, it most likely will not work out at all, and instead life will almost force me into a situation that was not planned – which makes it a bit difficult to take planning seriously.
Now, I know that there are times when it is a good idea to have a plan. If you want to buy a house, you’ll probably need to make a plan to get the deposit together and apply for a mortgage. If you’re in your late 30′s and want to have a family, you might want to start to think about having kids (except… what about those women who have kids in their 40′s?)
But it seems that to many people a plan is only a good plan if it is like their own plan (and like everybody else’s plan). If you have a different kind of a plan, your plan seems to upset a lot of people around you who really mean well but really don’t get you at all. It’s like ever since you went travelling you’ve changed. You’re not like everyone else anymore. You don’t even have a TV!
I know it’s a long post but I’m getting to the point now:
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So I have one question: what if your plan does not work out? What if you have meticulously planned your whole life, and one day something happens that completely messes up the plan? Because things do happen: accidents happen, houses burn down, divorces and car crashes and job losses and earthquakes and tsunamis happen. Or maybe you just burn out because you have been trying so hard to keep up with the plan that you have forgotten to live. If your life has become less about living and more about sticking to the plan, what do you do if your plan simply does not work out? Do you have a plan B? If not, do you freak out and end up in the psychiatric ward?
Or… you could just take a deep breath, and understand that in spite of your carefully crafted plan, the Universe (or God, or a Higher Power, or Sai Baba) may have a whole different plan for you. Maybe you were not meant to work as an accountant or a banker, maybe you were meant to go and feed street kids in India. Or maybe you were meant to use your banking or accounting skills to help a charity that feeds street kids in India.
And without sounding too new age-y about it, if you go along with the plan of God (the Universe/Higher Power/etc), He will carry you. Life will take care of you. Life may even give you what you hoped for, but it might come in an unexpected package. Maybe you will get something completely different but even more amazing. Or maybe you’ll end up getting what you’ve always wanted, but you just have to go through a few adventures first and hopefully grow a bit in the process.
I’m not saying it’s a bad idea to have a plan, but the best things in life may be the ones that turn up completely unplanned.
Ps. Isn’t it funny how sometimes, when you find yourself thinking about the big things in life, you suddenly notice how other people are thinking about exactly the same things? I’ve been writing this post for a few weeks now and meanwhile, all over the place, others are writing about similar stuff. There’s Mariellen on BreatheDreamGo writing about how everything works out even when it looks like it doesn’t, and there’s Todd on Todd’s Wanderings writing about accepting changes in life.
I hear you. Returned to US 2011 after just a couple of months in Cambodia and everyone wanted to know my plan. I didn’t have one beyond find a friend to put me up and find a job… I’m happy to say I have both.
The phenomena you mention at the end of the post is most likely related to your “Reticular Activation System” or RAS. It’s the part of your brain that automatically filters out what is not important to you and brings your attention to things that are important to you so if you buy a new car, suddenly you see the same make and model everywhere, if you have deep thoughts you’ll see them manifest everywhere.
Great post. Kudos!
Thanks! And thank God for friends who put us up after travels….
“other people have got mortgages, bought houses, had kids, bought cars, bought more cars, bought a bigger house, bought lots of other stuff – and they are really not so interested in all your amazing experiences in India. They want to know what you’re going to do now that you’ve wasted half of your life in random tropical countries while good, honest, hardworking people have, well, worked hard, saved lots of money and bought lots of stuff.” >>
If you are surrounded by such people, it’s time to change your friends and/ or relatives. There is absolutely nothing that I cannot give up for my love for travel – it has helped me to become a decent human being. I has helped me tremendously to appreciate and understand behavior and viewpoint of individuals who do not look like me, speak my language, do not eat the food that I eat and belong to a different culture; and it has helped me to become less judgmental.
I hope such trivial peer pressures do not impede your future travel plans. Keep traveling – I will prefer to chat with a well traveled nice human being than with guys who are busy with their plans.
Thanks for your comment! After years in India, I ended up in Switzerland… and in many ways, I guess you can’t be further away from India than Switzerland. Fortunately most of my long-term friends are the travelling type! And no, I have not stopped planning future travels! Good luck with your travels wherever you may go.
Thanks for this post! After years of traveling around, I’ve also ended up in Switzerland. It’s a great place, but I find myself a little bit… well, bored! And I sense that need to plan here especially – everyone’s having kids, buying houses, working hard in finance/economy/business-related pursuits, making lots of money… and what am I doing anyway? I have no idea (not a satisfactory answer for most). Unfortunately in my case, I really got caught up in this type of thinking – How will I get a job when I don’t even know what I want to do? Is my biological having-kids-dealine coming up? But happily I came back to myself and realized maybe I don’t need to organize my life like everyone else. I’ll make plans, other things will happen, life will continue – and I’ll be happy to experience it!
Hi Amy, and thanks for your excellent comment! I agree with your thoughts on Switzerland… maybe a society that plans everything so well and is so organized inevitably ends up a bit boring. And when everything is so focused on the finance/business sector, and everyone’s so into money, if you’re not (like in my case) you’ll start to feel like you’re from a different planet. In the beginning, when people asked me what I do and I told them I’m a freelance writer and I’d recently written a book, they sort of looked funny, as if they didn’t understand a word, and started talking about something else. If I’d said I had written a book that made me loads of money (which it didn’t) I’m sure they would have appreciated me more! I’ve sort of stopped talking about the book to Swiss people now…
Hi Satu,
I just loved your post! I just returned from a RTW trip and I am planning a trip to India. Would you recommend going there on September?
I have a travel blog vivinaviagem.blogspot.com. Most of it is in portuguese, since I am brazilian, but I am sure you can read it with google translator.
Congratulations again for your post, it is genious! There are two kinds of people in the world: generic and singular. Singularity brings lots of fun and wonderful experiences, but also the challenge of swimming against the current. You might like reading a book called “L’etranger” from Albert Camus, a great french writer.
Someone mentioned RAS referring to the end of your post. In my humble opinion, though, it is the colective inconsciousness manifesting there or connecting with the Universe energies.
By the way, I lived in Switzerland for awhile. Great place!
Viviane
Thanks Viviane! I looked at your blog, nice photos (although I didn’t understand much of the Portuguese, I’ll have to get it translated). Depending on which parts of India you’re planning to visit, September can be a good time to go to India, especially the end of September, the monsoon will be coming to an end. Nights can even be a bit cold! I used to love going to Mysore in September. Sunny days, cool nights and just a little rain here and there. Good luck with planning the trip!
hi all, im holly, a 25 year old female from london.
i came across this blog as i have been doin some research as to wear is safe ect to travel to and around as a single, young, female traveller (and a fairly inecspirienced one at that.) it was this blog in particulare the one about the ‘plan’ which caught my eye and that i was able to connect and totaly relate with in particulare! the whole way through reading it i wanted to like hi five you satu, as in omg, totally agree with you! haha. also, Vivian, agreed there are defo 2 types of people in this world ‘singulare and generic’. i have always felt ‘abit different’ or that ‘this isnt for me around here’, although i totally love my friends to bits i have always felt abit different to them, abit different to the norm within the social circle that i hang out in. im always refferd to as ‘the quirky one’ or ‘the one thats abit different’, im guessing this is what u wold caLL ‘singulare’, rite vivian? alot of the girls around me are getting to the age now where they are desperatly searching for ‘their plan’ and i can almost see the panic on their faces as each month passes, and they are still no closer to their goal which is yes you’ve guessed it – a boyfriend, a mortgage, a baby, a dog and eventually yep a pension plan! now although i respect this is what makes them feel for filled in life, and im sure they are convinced that once they have accomplished thier plan they will then, and only then feel content, i can not tell u how much their searching for this whole package fills me with dissapointment in them and leaves me wanting to sceam at the top of my lungs ‘ fuck, theres more to life!!!, take a breath and back away from your life plan ok!’. because, i have first hand expirience at how the plan can go tits up. i shall explain….
wen i was 16 i met a guy fell in love and stayed with him for the next 6 years, at age 20 we moved in to a rented flat and lived together happy as larry and completley besoted with each other. he was my absolute world as he said i too was his and we genuinly both felt we had found our ‘soul mates’ (though now this seems increadibly niave.) traveling was something i had always wanted to do, but, because i had found what i thought was the love of my life i put this to the back of my mind and was content with focussing on ‘the plan’ i wanted marriage, children a dog and the whole package, same as every young girl i guess. anyway, picture this, im 22 almost 23 and the love of my life who ive bin living with for the past 3 years tells me he wants us to start looking to buy, aply for mortgages and he takes me to get my ring finger measured, in the world of the ‘singulare’ girl, this is literaly enough to make you wana wet your pants. i was so happy and was loving life. anyway, fast foward to new year, one day i come home from work nand he’s gone dissapeard. i call his parents, who come over to explain to me, he has upped and left and gone to australia. my world turned upside down, i got ill, lost my job and part of my sanity! (lol). anyways, i spent the next year rebuilding my self and getting myself back on track, and the following year i spen experimenting and enjoying myself to the maximum trying to cram in every expirience or oppertunity that came my way! because after my ‘plan’ flipping it made me realise, plans are a load of crap, there is never a garentee that what you spend your whole life working towards will even actually ever come up! so, this brings us up to date and i recently landed a good job, well paid with great benefits and another opertunity for me to ‘plan’ i guess. however, i still have the thourght in the back of my mind that i always always wanted to travel, but i didnt have the finances to do so. my best friend, she was recently away traveling in south east asia and i was at her parents house whilst she was away, we were all talking and i was saying how amazing it is that she is away and how i wish i had the money to do it. anyway, a week later i had a major car accident, i flipped my car, it rolled at least 3 times and ended up on its roof (upside down) in a ditch – i had no seat belt on…… i survived and came away from the accident completly un harmed with out a single scratch on my face! all i had was 2 cuts to my knee from where i climbed out of the back window which had been smashed to pieces, oh and abit of shock. every body has said to me some 1 was looking over me that day, and its increadible how i came away still alive. needless to say the car was writtern off and i am now waiting for a cheque of £5000 from the insurance. every cloud so they say. now, i am in the sittuation where i may have 5000 pounds which i could potensially use to go traveling, something i absolutley always dreamed of. or do i do the sensible thing that a 25 year old ‘should do’ and stay at my well payed job, get myself a nice new car with the £5000 and start to make plans for the future, find myself a new boy friend, flat ect??
after reading your blog and all the comments which follow, i am fairly certain as to what your response will be. however, i guess what i really want to know is, is it safe, is it worth it – the life experience, is it really all they say it is? will i get mugged, sold for trafficing – you know all the usual concerns for a young girl considerring traveling? any advice, comments, im put at all would be very much appreciated. i am in a dillema, i dont know what path to take, ‘generic or singulare’?
holly. xxx
Whoah, you’ve been through some stuff!
You know… I can’t tell anyone what to do. Personally, if I had an extra £5000 I’d go travelling but that’s just me. And I won’t be held responsible if you do get mugged! India can be challenging if you’re heading out on your own for the first time. There are much easier places, like Thailand… (so why I keep returning to India baffles me). £5000 doesn’t last long in London these days but it can last a few months in Southeast Asia and you don’t have to stay in any fleapits either.
But if you do decide to go and travel, here are some links that may help you with tips for solo women travellers etc:
http://journeywoman.com/
http://wanderlustandlipstick.com/
http://indiantraveljourney.com/3-safety-tips-for-women-travelling-to-india-alone/
Bravo!
Thank you, thank you, thank you and I cannot say this enough because I read this post when I needed it the most, which is right now. I have just finished spending sixteen months in Saudi Arabia earning my Masters and am about to go to the Ashtanga Yoga Institute in February and everyone around me is trying to convince me to stay in Singapore and get a job and not go to India. Not to mention the constant interrogation about my plans for the future. So, thank you for having written this post last June and thank God for leading me here to read it!
In joy and gratitude
XiaoZhi Lim
Enjoy your time in Mysore! It’s lovely and you’ll have a great time. There are loads of people I know in Mysore right now. I wanted to go but it takes too long to get the visa right now so I’m planning to go later this year. (By the way I spent some time in Singapore a couple of years ago and I loved it, but I can see it’s the kind of place where people wouldn’t always get it that someone wants to go to India to study yoga for a bit.)
I understand where you are coming from however I feel as though everything should be done in moderation. To have no sense of adventure is boring and to only stick to a set plan and work and thing about children, and money, and getting married. But to only think about traveling the world and finding yourself and discovering yourself is also a little irresponsible on the part of a very capable person. Since you were lucky enough to be born in a 1st world country, to be educated, to be privileged, to have the opportunity to be able to do whatever you wanted to do, because you can however you chose to focus solely on your travels and seeing the world and different cultures is in my opinion selfish.
There should be a moderation of adventure, traveling all over the world when you want, how you want. But you said if you had an extra 5,000 pounds you would travel. Why don’t you have an extra 50,000 pounds? Who is to say one cannot be a responsible citizen as well as travel the world and experience it for what it has.
I am 26 and an avid traveler as well but I travel responsibly. I have been to India twice, all over Europe, Canada, Mexico, Israel. I live in Hawaii. But you are the minority and the minority in this world is lucky enough to have high standards of living and opportunity everywhere and you disregard it because it’s not for you. Make something for yourself abroad and at home. I have a flourishing finance career at home and I travel wherever and whenver I want. Everyone has a choice.
Thanks for your comment! However, I’d like to point out that I did not choose to “focus solely on my travels and seeing the world and different cultures”. I have three professions: I am 1) a freelance journalist and travel writer, 2) a yoga teacher and 3) a massage therapist. When I travel, I write and manage several travel blogs, I write travel articles for newspapers and magazines, I have written two award-winning travel books and I do radio reports from my travels. When living in India I studied ashtanga yoga the whole time and became an authorized ashtanga yoga teacher. I now combine teaching yoga and travelling around the world. I’m teaching in Thailand at the moment, I’m then going to teach in Cambodia for an NGO that works with underpriviledged kids, and later this year I’ll teach in Switzerland and the UK. While living in India and studying yoga I also ran a guesthouse and breakfast cafe for two years. I would like to think that I have “made something for myself”. To suggest that I am not a responsible citizen because I choose a path that is not a typical career path is offensive and ridiculous. I never said I only travel to discover myself.
You’re right, just like you I come from a part of the world that has incredibly high standards of living, I’m lucky to have an EU passport and I am very very priviledged in countless ways. I want to use that priviledged position to write about, for example, responsible travel, which I have done in my travel books and on this blog. (My understanding of responsible travel is sustainable, ecological and culturally sensitive travel). You say you travel wherever and whenever you want: that is unbelievable luxury and few people have that choice. I believe we in the first world should share some of the money, living standards and priviledges we were born with with those who were born with less priviledges. It is the complacency in the Western world that disgusts me more than anything and that is one of the reasons I feel less and less at home there. To me a flourishing finance career sounds like the ultimate nightmare personally, and considering the way the global economy is going right now your career is far from secure. Then again you’re only 26 – by the time you get to my age (I’m 38) you’ll start to figure out what’s important in life and believe me it ain’t a career in finance.
But like you say, you and I come from a part of the world that gives us these choices: you can have a career in finance, I can have a career as a writer, and neither of us needs to clean shit from the streets in an Indian slum.
Ps. the “extra 5000″ was in response to a previous comment: someone actually had an extra 5000 and was not sure what to do with it. If I had an extra 50 000, though, I would use it towards opening a yoga school that would offer community classes to those who cannot afford to pay but would benefit from yoga.